Nov 18

Mona: Part 1

by

Chuck McCarthy

Liz stood very still at first, but then started to slowly shift her weight back and forth, from left to right in time with music only she was hearing. Her eyes moved back and forth, slowly scanning, recording, remembering this image she had seen, that we have all seen a million times and in hundreds of reincarnations. So familiar.

Was it as impressive in real life? Not really, but people crowded around as usual. There was actually a slightly larger crowd today, including some hack journalists there to cover some new protective glass that the Louvre had hyped up, supposedly thinner and less reflective. How the photographers there from the press planned on capturing what was being touted as approaching nothing, invisibility, was something their editors had no doubt overlooked. They would, no doubt, simply end up with another photo of the Mona Lisa with a crowd gathered around it, ready to be buried deep in the arts and culture section of whatever newspaper or magazine they were from.

Mary leaned over and whispered, “This is making me thirsty… vino… vino.”

“Yeah, I think I have had enough too. I’d rather go back to the Titian exhibit. I just had to see this so my mom wouldn’t freak out.”

“Elizabeth Henry! I paid all that money to send you to Paris, France, and all you did was talk to boys and drink wine? Did you at least see the Mona Lisa?!” Mary knowingly mimicked in a southern accent.

The girls giggled a little too loudly before stifling their laughter, drawing looks of consternation from every nation that seemed to be represented in this sea of observers.

Liz conceded, “Let’s go.”

They turned away from the painting, trying to conceal their smirking indifference and desires to laugh out loud. Thus, making their way through the crowd, thinking nothing of it, they passed several of the photographers there to capture this “momentous” event in Louvre history.

“No pictures please,” Mary joked, holding her hands up over her face like a celebrity being attacked by paparazzi.

Liz giggled, and they skipped away without a second thought.

Nov 16

Sarah Palin & Oprah Let The Innuendos Fly

Do Sarah Palin and Oprah understand what kind of creepy sexual innuendos they are making in this clip from an interview that will be airing today? Watch and be the judge.

vaqume-arts:

glwoodphotography:

Rough sample of a future editorial dealing with a bondage inspired theme.

Nov 15

vaqume-arts:

happylittleboobies:

One Dollar by atypyk

Nov 11

vaqume-life:

The job hunt can be more than frustrating at times. Don’t take your anger out on those around you with a semi-automatic weapon; get creative like Kensey Pete:

Subject: ACCESSORIES COMPANY IS SEEKING A TALENTED BELT DESIGNER (West LA)

Date: November 11, 2009 4:01:59 AM PST

To: job-mk382-146045052@craigslist.org

Hi
I can do this job. Attached is what I am currently working on, the
claspy middle part will probably have a Sapphire or something. As you
can see I’m far above mid level. The work really speaks for itself.
Is it speaking your language? I thought so. I’m glad you speak belt.

There are two parts of your ad I can not do.

1. I can not forecast belt trends… because I make belt trends.
Trying to forecast ‘what is next’ for me is called thinking.

2. regarding “wearing many hats” I am NOT a hat designer. I design
belts, that’s what I do. I can design head belts if need be and can
design many head belts if need be, but I do not wear nor design hats.

Where I see belts going, meaning where I’m taking belts, is actually
both backward and forward. I want to return to the time of ‘belt as
function’, a time where wearing a belt meant something. It meant your
pants weren’t going to fall down. I want to get this back YET I want a
belt so striking it retain the allusion to taking off your pants. I
want to ballance funtion and sex appeal. How can something that’s
meant to hold up your pants make you think about dropping your pants?
Hire me and I’ll show you.

Sincerely,

Kensey Pete

kenseypete.com

vaqume-newmedia:

Is Lucas Cruikshank a.k.a. Fred Figglehorn one of the most brilliant minds of our time?

This video is proof that he is.

This song and music video are about wanting “cash” from his Mom for Christmas, an audacious premiss for someone who is making thousands of dollars a month from YouTube partnership advertising, t-shirt sales, and endorsements, more than likely out earning his parents. But this concept hits home with all his fans, or at least those too young or too stupid to realize how ridiculous him wanting “cash” from his mom is, and bothers everyone else who does realize to the point that they want to tell other people what a little asshole this kid is. Moreover, he recognized the fact that Christmas songs, no matter how terrible they are, will always get play somewhere, something that we are all reminded every Kenny Rogers’ Christmas in America plays (and an Angle gets genital warts).

What do you think? Is Lucas Cruikshank a.k.a. Fred Figglehorn one of the most brilliant minds of our time?

“Maybe the main problem was that they promised too much and in doing so effectively set themselves up for certain failure. They announced a ‘new trend in Australian festivals’. It would have hot showers, a large covered and seated garden in case of rain, a beer hall with only microbrews on tap, a massive market, art classes, guarded lockers, a general store, and a full bistro. None of the above materialised; rather, what was presented was a massive mudbath, cans of Melbourne Bitter, blocked toilets, dejected workmen huddling, and burgers in bain maries. And worst of all – no running water. For the entire weekend. Really. Really really. Take a few moments to process that glorious stuff-up.” from a dB Magazine review of the Blueprint Festival, which - as we all know now - has set “a new trend” for how not to put on a music festival. I’m struggling to get my head around the whole mess! (via clembastow) (via vaqume-arts)

Nov 9

vaqume-newmedia:

This is very unlikely.

First of all, if an institution like the New York Times were to do this, in the amount of time it would take for people to figure out where they went, or for them to tell people, they would become even more irrelevant than they are now. Not enough people care whether they get their news from the New York Times, a blog repost of the New York Times, or a guy on Twitter that lives in New York.

Second of all, where is the profit? Working with the numbers presented, Microsoft is not going to pay out huge lump sums in the range of $75 million to 10 or so entities, $750 million, in the hopes that all the advertisers already in place on Google move over to Bing.

Now, if Microsoft was to make this same offer to all the major pornography websites, you would see a shift, and the price tag to corner the market on those searches would, no doubt, cost a good deal less than trying to deal with Rupert Murdoch and Fox alone. This seems unlikely too for PR reasons, so Microsoft should probably work on ways to leverage the X-Box Live Network popularity into more Bing searches. This is probably their best chance at gaining market share.

soupsoup:

Jason Calacanis on How To Kill Google

Nov 8

Here is a slideshow of photos taken by Vaqume Senior Editor Jennifer Nies at the HARD Haunted Mansion- Halloween 09.

arts•fiction•life•newmedia•oldmedia•politics

Mona: Part 1

Sarah Palin & Oprah Let The Innuendos Fly